Yes, I am writing you a letter. Don’t get me wrong but this is way better than cutting you. Kidding.
Someone once told me that it is always better to tell that someone that I am upset, that no, I am not okay and that I got hurt, even if it turned out that obviously you didn’t care. Well now, what I know is that I need to write hard and clear about what hurts. Whatever the outcome, it never tells me that this is a risk I ought to take again.
You took advantage of every bit of chance that you can, I’m not only beyond hurt, but disappointed. No, not because you stole someone committed, but because I believe there is a moral code between all women, one that we were born with. As much as we may try to silence it, make excuses to ignore it or do anything to numb it, it’s still there. The fact that we both are female and I would expect you know how it feels to be on my shoes - but you were selfish enough to give yourself a reason to be happy.
We didn’t have a perfect and awesome relationship but it was grounded in faith and family values. One of the things I loved about him was his will to spend the rest of his life with me. He loved the idea of us being together so that we could have time just the two of us again before we were “old”. I also loved how busy our lives were, he was still so affectionate. He never let a fight go on more than an hour and talk about it. Telling me that he will hurt me once - which is when he hug me so tight that I can’t breathe. I know what it is like to have him look at you the way he probably does. It was priceless. But what you don’t understand is that in between all those looks I got was our life. Life was sometimes broke, tired, full of doubts, sickness, small fights and bad dinners. But it was our love. Our life.
You took away the goodness that still remains in him and he turned out to be someone that I do not know now. You actually claimed someone that you don’t own. It made him make all the efforts to become an instant asshole. You honestly both put on a big giant sh*t on my face by giving me all the facts - and yes I remained silent.
Our relationship has now come to an end. My family hurts. His family hurts. There have been so many tears and pain from not only us, but the people in our lives that love us. I want you to know that your actions have caused a lot of pain to good people.
I’m not blaming you. What happened would have occurred sooner or later in some form or another but you do have a responsibility as a dignified human being. I am writing this to you not because I hate you, but because I hope that in the future, if the moment presents itself where there is a taken man, no matter how happy or unhappy he is, how sober or intoxicated he is, you remember the power you have to be a part of destroying someone’s life, or not.
I know you are a good person and never had intentions of causing harm. Though your confidence to stand by what you think (which may be wrong and selfish) is truly remarkable. But your decisions define you.
Everyone knows it sucks to get your heart broken. Maybe I was naïve with the real idea of love. Maybe I underestimated the real understanding of the fact that essentially, all love stories end and many of them end badly. I’ve always believed in goodness and I still am. You then made me realise that I am a truly strong and mature woman and I gained the respect that I deserve for myself. That’s a pretty powerful thing that I am proud to have now.
Love is not only about having someone or about being in a clingy relationship. Love is an ability that you have and no person or heartbreak, no coming or going of a significant other can extinguish that ability. Being in love, or not being in love, does not make your heart beat. Others do not define your ability to give love. What you do out of love defines you.
I chose to let go and break up with him because I was cheated on. I may be single now but I’m not desperate.
I hope you won’t feel this kind of pain. Honestly, it was by far one of the most painful feeling I’ve had - I almost died slowly being immersed to it. It may not seem like it, but the world is huge and there are other people out there who can make us hurt terribly. It’s not just you and him. It’s you, him and everyone else.
P.S. Just please don’t show yourself to me anytime soon. Okay?